


A Collection of Troublesome Undead

by sapsorrow



Category: Dark Souls II, Dark Souls III
Genre: Gen, M/M, a small collection of drabbles, mostly dealing with pate or patches relationships, not very nsfw but one fic is at least implied or vaguely described
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 17:30:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16858276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapsorrow/pseuds/sapsorrow
Summary: short snippets of our favorite little thieves and treasure hunters!





	1. Chapter 1

“Hmm…” Pate stared down at the board in front of him, rubbing his chin in thought while he rested his elbow on his lap where he sat. He’d been contemplating on his next move for what felt like ages…partly due to the fact there was no real challenge in it when he was playing _himself_. 

“ _Hmm_ ,” he continued, moving somewhat til his arms were crossed over his chest and he squinted at the wooden pieces he could still move.

He wasn’t alone, however, because he was interrupted by this thoughts when he heard an irritated grunt a little ways off. “Fookin’ hell, get  _on_ with it, then!” Pate glanced up, brows raised in mild alarm before he noticed Creighton had returned after some time without him noticing. 

“Oh, back so soon?”

“It’s been hours!” Creighton growled, stomping over. “I coulda lobbed your head off without even trying!”

“Mm, terribly sorry.” Pate sighed, relenting in this fruitless game for now. “Would you like me to make you some tea or something?”

Creighton’s steely eyes stayed narrowed at the mild mannered man before he huffed and grumbled. “I could play with you if you want.”

“Pardon?” Pate looked genuinely surprised, tilting his head at the other man. “You know how to play this?” He honestly never expected the brute to be well trained in chess of all things. Didn’t seem the type.

Creighton seemed to sense the thought and straightened up, scoffing. “Course I do. Any idiot would know wot chess is.” Of course, he had been taught by Pate, technically, but it seemed the toad had forgotten. Again. Might as well humor him, though.

The treasure hunter chuckled lightly and shrugged his shoulders. “Very well, I won’t discourage you. It’s been too long since I’ve had an opponent to test wits with. How about we make a wager as well, hm?” He smirked at Creighton, leaning forward with his hands clasped under his chin. 

Creighton met that look with a suspicious scowl, but even he couldn’t resist temptation. “What kind of wager?”

“Up to you, of course. I highly doubt you’ll win, but you can ask for whatever you want~.”

“Oh, _fook_  you,” Creighton huffed, insulted as he took a seat on the opposite chair anyway. 

“Well, I suppose that can be arranged,” Pate replied casually, watching the false knight’s disgruntled face begin to redden.

“Piss off, that’s not what I wager!”

Pate raised his hands up and shrugged. “Alright, alright. Either way, give me a moment to reset everything.” He began replacing the pieces back in their original positions, still amused at his companion’s reaction. 

Eventually they began to play, and while Pate knew Creighton said he understood the rules, he couldn’t help but try to play a little poorly to start. Might as well let the brute get some wins in, right? But it wasn’t long before he noticed Creighton was actually fairly good and there was little reason to give leeway after all. 

However, he was a bit late in trying to return to playing seriously. Creighton had certainly gotten the upper hand now. How embarrassing. Pate tried to think of how to turn the tables, but he seemed to be rather stuck. “Wot’s taking you so long?” 

Pate sighed and sat back, smiling sheepishly. “It appears you’ve won, my friend. You got me in  _quite_  a pickle.”

“Huh. I’m better at this than I thought.” Creighton sniffed and rubbed some at his nose before rolling his shoulders. It was an okay game, he guessed. Didn’t know why Pate liked playing it so much, though. “So now wot?” He squinted a little suspiciously back at Pate for the whole ‘wager’ talk. “I get to ask you for anything, then?”

He was met with a shrug of shoulders as Pate stood up and stretched since he’d been sitting for so long. “Hm? Oh, but I thought you’d already chosen what you wanted,” he teased, leaning forward towards the ax wielder and grinning with a wink.

Creighton was flustered quite easily again and shoved the annoying bastard’s face away from his, growling. “Quit being a wanker!”

Pate laughed at that and pulled away, not wanting to overstep anything, of course. “If you say so. But I’m perfectly willing to lend a hand.”

“ _Prick_ ,” Creighton continued to huff, albeit more quietly and with less heat in his words.  _Mayb_ e he was thinking about it. “What’s in it for you?” he grumbled, arms folded over his chest. 

Raising an eyebrow, Pate eventually smiled innocently. “Does there  _have_  to be something in it for me, dear?”

For a long moment they both just ended up staring the other down. Funny, given their long history - still so hesitant. Though, one could blame it all on hollowing. At least they were both still hanging on for the most part. How much longer would that last, however? Maybe…maybe he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and just take this opportunity. Old time’s sake and all that.

“ _Fine_.”

That seemed to do the trick well enough. Pate was already near enough, though it still caught Creighton a little off guard. He wanted to tell him off, but his throat tightened just a bit when he felt a hand against him. “If I didn’t…know better, I’d say you’re the one wot wants this…” 

Pate simply chuckled and went to help him along, eventually kneeling down for a proper view. He said he’d lend a  _hand_ , but, well, he had _other_  options too.

Creighton slowly hissed out a breath when cold air hit his exposed arousal - not that he’d like to  _admit_  he’d gotten hard already. But it was difficult not to when he saw Pate all too interested in holding his cock in his hands - hands still ridiculously soft and smooth after all this time.  _Damn bastard_ …

“I hope this is alright so far,” he mused, voice a low rumble with his mouth so close. Creighton suppressed a small shudder and still managed a glare. 

“J-just shut up and get to it.” That was meant to sound far more intimidating, but Pate just had to have rubbed his thumb over his head just as he began to speak.  _Rotten toad_. 

Luckily for Creighton, Pate didn’t make a comment on that little stutter and happily put his mouth to…other uses. Ones he knew were just as good as his slick talking. His tongue was very talented in many different ways - ways in which Creighton often experienced with little interjection. 

In fact, the only interjections he was going to be letting out would be obscenities no  _proper_ knight would shout so loudly. Not that Pate would mind. They were often encouraging.

It wasn’t long before Creighton realized, hazily looking down at the mild mannered thief, who appeared quite pleased with himself, that the  _real_ winner might as well have been – “ _Pate_!” Damn it all!


	2. Old Nan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patches visits an old friend in dreg heap

Patches never bothered to remember holidays or keep track. The world was ending. Who bothered anymore with those ridiculous pointless endeavors? But that didn’t mean there wasn’t a little part of himself that wanted to do  _something_  for the occasion. 

Just this once.

He never thought he would willingly come back here again so early, his boots not making much sound at all as he walked through the ash. When he made a stop, it was just at the edge of the precipice. Made her feel like a god, she’d said. Looking over the twisted remnants of forgotten times. 

“Still enjoyin’ the view, y’old hag?” he chuckled, sparing a glance at the crumpled figure on the ground. His crooked smile soon fell for just a moment as he squatted down next to the empty husk. Slowly, he placed a bundle of flowers he’d picked from all manners of locations next to her. 

“So…Nan, y’ever got to see your angel, I wonder?”

Not expecting an answer, for he hadn’t lost his mind like that  _just_  yet, he stood up to walk back out of the desolate landscape. It was time to leave all of this behind.

Patches had nearly reached the bonfire before he was practically blinded for a second, blinking his eyes and preparing to defend himself – but the only thing he found was a few fallen white feathers. He caught one between his gloved fingers, glancing up. There was nothing there but…he had a faint idea behind it. 

Smirking, he kept moving forward. After all, he'd never look back.


	3. Morning Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some silly fluff and a hint of betrayal. the usual.

There was something causing the hairs on the back of his neck to raise up, an unsettling feeling as something stared. He had yet to open his eyes, fingers twitching and ready to reach for a concealed dagger if need be – but the familiar sound of chain mail and fabric paused his plotting as he finally, slowly, opened his eyes.

Ah. There above him sat a slightly hunched over, maskless Creighton, staring down at him with a smug sort of expression. Pate held back a groan, running a hand down his face before squinting through his fingers back at him. 

“I could have stabbed you in the throat, you know,” he mumbled tiredly, eventually raising his hand to press against Creighton’s face and lazily push him away. “And do you _mind_? You’re unsettling.”

Creighton didn’t seem to be too upset at the push, grunting in amusement for the most part. His fingers eventually gripped around the mild mannered thief’s wrist. “It’s past noon, ya lazy tit.”

Pate hummed, cracking open an eye again as he glanced around blearily. “Is it really–?” His question was ignored once he was yanked up by his wrist, mouth soon overcome by the other’s. Soft but sharp with those hungry teeth of his. Well, that was certainly one kind of wake up call, and Pate found he didn’t mind all too much. “You’re  _insatiable_ ,” he rumbled once parted. 

“Never ‘eard ya complainin’ before.” And here Pate thought  _he_  had a smug face. Ah, well. 

“Yes, well,” he eventually freed his wrist to casually drape his arms around him. “If that’s the case…” It was Pate’s turn to tug the other down, smirking to himself. “Hmm…” He brushed fingers over the armor contemplatively. “You can’t honestly be comfortable always wearing this.” He, himself, was only in his shirt and trousers since sleeping in all that armor was a tad uncomfortable most nights.

Creighton only seemed to grunt in response before giving a short laugh. “Y’just want me outta this.” 

Pate feigned offense, clicking his tongue. “ _Obviously_  I am merely concerned for your well being and comfort.”

Creighton gave a snort, leaning further down to better stare Pate in the eyes. “Y’aren’t that slick, mate.” His mouth eventually went to catch skin along his neck afterwards.

 _Oh_ , thought Pate as he let his fingers trail through Creighton’s hair and eventually down his back.  _You have no idea_.


	4. Dinner and a Smooch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a couple old thieves being gay.

“Ehh?” Patches sat crouched in his usual position, grinning cheekily as he held a piece of jerky dangling between his teeth, ever so taunting the other thief in front of him as he waggled his brows.

Greirat had tilted his head slightly in confusion, noting the small pouch Patches had at his side where more of the dried meat was likely kept.  _Hm_. He’d at least humor the fellow thief’s mischief as he leaned forward and pulled his mask up to catch the other end with his teeth.

This had definitely surprised Patches a fair bit, if his widened eyes were anything to go by. Greirat, of course, couldn’t just stop there. Another snap of his teeth and he was right by the other’s lips, briefly catching them for a moment.

The so called ‘Unbreakable’ Patches had gone completely stiff and red in the face. The perfect opportunity for the slinking rodent to snatch that pouch of food and help himself to the rest as he scooted back with a hearty snicker.

Patches hardly noticed, he was pretty much _gone_  for the rest of the evening, face in his hands. Walked right into that one, hadn’t he?


End file.
